Author: Keith Anderson

Worth Living Ambassador Dr. Divya Madhusudhan (BPT, MPH)

Divya is the founder of Hear Your Mind. She holds a Master’s degree in Public Health from the University of Worcester,England. She has been a recipient of the prestigious Commonwealth Award, England, and an ‘entrepreneurship for good’ fellowship, Berlin,Germany.  Having worked in an array of health sectors before and being a survivor of depression herself, she draws upon her wide professional and personal experience.

According to the World Health Organization (2015), 36% of the Indian population suffers from depression. For a country of 1.3 billion people, 36% is a huge number. Despite this high prevalence, mental health is something that the society conveniently ignores. The taboo around mental illnesses takes over everything.  People are hesitant to talk about it, people are hesitant to be seen anywhere around a psychiatric ward or more importantly even consider treatment options. Focus is more on drug therapy rather than counseling as patients find it easier to pop a tablet rather than attend counseling session and be seen around mental health service centers.  This results in partially treated mental illnesses. The pressure on patients is enormous. They often feel helpless and isolated ultimately leading to suicide.

In today’s volatile and fast paced life, stress levels are at an all-time at an all-time high. A student struggles to cope with anxiety during an exam. A woman on her pregnancy panics thinking about her future. A man suffers inferiority complex trying to impress his boss at work. A teenager is trying hard to combat peer pressure. There is stress all the time. How many will seek professional support  for such issues? “It’s okay, it will get better” “what’s the need?” “It’s no big deal” is the answer to everything. Not one of them would dare to walk into a mental health clinic and book a counseling session.

So how do we get over this taboo? How do we move beyond stigma? I would say education.  Inculcating importance of mental health at schools, workplace and family gatherings could have an enormous impact on acceptance of mental illnesses in the society.  Basic education such as recognizing the signs of mental illness, first aid options and peer support could be one of first step’s India can take to come out of its secret affair. The more people talk about it, the easier it is for the patient to express what exactly he is going through and seek appropriate support.

To reduce the stigma, we need to have the strength to talk about mental health. We know it matters – we just need to acknowledge its existence in our lives!

Please follow Divya at http://Hear Your Mind

Worth Living Ambassador Kay Ska

Kay Ska, 21, UK
There is so much of stigma attached to mental health that I tried to ignore my own mental health problems for as long as I possibly could. And let’s just say that wasn’t the best thing I did. Now, I’m extremely passionate about spreading the mental health awareness and getting rid of the stigma attached to it! As well as helping people in any way I possibly can, by sharing my story and things that have/are still helping me on my recovery journey.

This past year was full of growth and learning for me. As the year was unfolding it became clearer to me why things were happening. Everything that I thought was ‘bad’, wasn’t because I was able to learn so much from it.

I became more open to life, to new things and new people. Eventually, 2016 started to feel like my life was making some sort of sense. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been a super duper challenging year but I can see exactly why I needed to face so many challenges. Sometimes you have to hit your proper rock bottom to fully open your heart and mind. And that’s exactly what happened. I never thought I’d be able to say that, but I am grateful for all the shit that has happened (is still happening) Because of that, I am where I am today, and I am in such a better place right now than I was at the beginning of last year.

Here are some of the thing I have learned in 2016:

• I don’t have to keep toxic people in my life! Took me a bloody long time to realise that, but now I honestly can see when I’m able to let go of the toxic people in my life, I make space for the better people to enter my life.

• Life might keep giving me more challenges because there are still a lot of things I need to learn! Not because life is against me.

• In everything that’s ‘bad’, there’s always good in there too! Which I might’ve not been able to see straight away, but when I look back, I can see why things have happened the way they have. And something good has always come out of those tough times.

• Everything really does happen for a reason.

• I am worthy of having a kind, supportive and loving people around me! Just because I haven’t grown up surrounded by those kinds of people, doesn’t mean I’m less worthy of that.

• Relapse is a normal part of recovery.

• The moment when I wanted to quit, was the moment when I needed to keep pushing.I remember sharing this quote, around my birthday time in June. I was in a pretty bad place. There were so many times in the first half of 2016 that I honestly didn’t know how I could go on. Suicidal thoughts started to become the ‘normality’ again. Any expectations of getting any work or anything done was gone. I set my bar a lot lower for those times. I struggled, but I kept pushing. Something within me has got me through so many dark times before and once again it did this year, many times. I just kept pushing, a day at the time.

• Getting rid of the weighing scale was one of the best things I could’ve done! Due to completely changing my lifestyle and my diet I have lost a lot of weight, which sort of happened pretty fast and unexpectantly! I used to struggle with eating disorder and body dysmorphia and losing so much weight was actually a big trigger, just when I thought I had it all ‘under control’. I was so scared those past monsters would take over my life once again. I think because I was pretty aware of what was going on, I noticed when I started to struggle and I made a conscious effort to change that before it took over me. Numbers on the scale really do not define me! I am so much healthier now and I have no idea what I weight anymore, but I know that my body actually feels a lot healthier than it ever did before!

• My story matters. Just as I tell this to everyone who has/is sharing their story on this blog, I have realised that actually my story too matters!

• There are people out there who have helped me so much in the past year, but I also realised that I’m the only person who can help myself the most.

• Changing my lifestyle has extremely benefited my physical and mental health. Becoming a vegan, almost a year ago now, has really transformed my life, my physical health! I actually have so much more energy now than I ever used to! I Being sober for over a year, I don’t even care if that makes me sound ‘boring’. I can have fun without drinking. Doing yoga and meditating, sticking to yoga, from about August time, doing it every single day along with meditating. There have been so many benefits from all of these changes. First time in my life I feel like my nervous system isn’t alllll over the place. I actually don’t know what has had the best effect on me but they have all linked nicely with each other and been extremely beneficial to my wellbeing.

• Inner peace is within me. I realised that I can only find peace within me. Things might still be very much hectic in my life, but my reaction (or non-reaction;)) to them is different.

• I can ALWAYS cope with the present moment. Being so sensitive is a gift. Thanks to which I am able to relate and help so many people!

• Looking after myself is the most important thing I can do! Being sensitive can really suck too. I can feel things so deeply and it can be exhausting! This is why I’m still learning to look after myself a lot better. Making self-care my number 1 priority. When I’m able to do that, I have so much more energy, I’m actually able to do a lot more, and help a lot more people!

• This too shall pass. This is something I’ve repeated over, and over this year. Feeling, thoughts, emotions are temporary, they will pass.

• The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle, was one of the most important books I have EVER read.

• For the first time in my life, I have some sort of idea what I actually want to do with it. Like it actually feel like I have actually a purpose here! I feel so much clearer about my life and the path that I’m on.

• I am SO much stronger than I give myself the credit for.

• I am actually more comfortable in my own body!!! WHAT a journey it’s been?! This has been the first year that I’ve actually been more okay with sharing photos of myself online. Some which probably weren’t the most ‘appropriate’, but those were the most important ones to me. Capturing those moments when I actually felt okay about my body, my appearance. The summer I challenged myself so much more, I tried to embrace my body rather than hide in my tights and long t-shirts. I was even able to leave the house in shorts, and not even wearing tights!!! And have actually started to wear vests, and short sleeves again. This might sound pathetic but actually, those were very big things for me. I feel the most comfortable in my own body than I ever have felt before.

• I am and will be okay, no matter what.

• Little steps matter. Recovery is a journey, it’s all a progress. Making little steps forwards made looking back on 2016 enjoyable as if I’ve achieved quite a bit! No matter how small the step is, as long as it’s towards recovery it’s always positive.

• My blog has/is helping thousands of people and that’s the BEST feeling! I might say this a lot, but all I want to do is help others. If I can use at least some of my shitty life experiences to help others, then they were worthwhile.

• I have the most supportive, kind and loving community!!!

I am so grateful for all of you who have been with me this year, or even if it was just in the past months. Your presence has made a difference in my life. I have so much love for youfor you all. Thank you for being my rocks throughout the last year.  THANK YOU all so much for sticking with me, supporting me and each other! 2016 has been a game changer! Let’s try to make 2017 even better :)!

Soooo much love,
Kay.❤

Please follow my personal blog http://This is What a Person with Mental Illness Looks Like

Worth Living Ambassador Rachel Burridge

Hello, I’m Rachel from the United Kingdom and I am 22 years of age. I have been on a journey with mental health for seven years now and facing the stigmas and hush hush around it. I am to recover from my illness while helping others to recover as we all go on the journey together.
Mental illness is one massive battle in itself.

Before being diagnosed with mental illness, I had to battle with my mind, emotions, and actions daily for years trying to figure out why I was acting and feeling the way I did, why I couldn’t join in with certain activities or get on with simple tasks that other people I knew and grew up with could do naturally. I had to battle with not being part of a team, a group, a relationship, a friendship. Being able to grow up independently and grow as a person, growing into the person I was meant to be. Then after I knew there was something different about my thoughts and the way my mind worked I had to battle with mental health services to find the right doctor to refer me to mental health services. I had to battle with fears of talking to someone about my thoughts. I had to battle with opening up when I was such a closed book for so long and thought it was just ‘a phase’ I was going through. Then once I was diagnosed with mental illness I went onto battle with repeated therapy sessions opening up more doors that I had closed and shut away for so long. I battled with hidden dark memories I had once tried so hard to forget.

Recently I have had to battle with testing medication, trying to find the right one to keep my mind straight. Battle with suicidal thoughts, dark thoughts. Battle with the fact I can’t work right now, I can’t go out and do the normal things a 22 year old girl should be able to do…live life fully.

This up to now isn’t even the end of my battle. I continue to battle to find the right diagnosis for my condition, the right treatment, the right recovery, the right coping. This is one hard trip to hell and back but it compares nothing to the battles I have had to face so far especially the battle to make people believe that I am actually very ill.

The fact that mental illness is ‘the invisible illness’ one that is not seen so easy to the eye, not like a broken bone, a bad cut, an open wound, a nasty rash. It’s only seen by the person who is ill.

Mental Illness is the owner of a great and powerful stigma that needs to be banished! I’ve lost so many ‘friends’ and ‘relationships’ from the fact that I have not been believed that I am actually ill, that I am actually suffering. Sometimes this non- belief of the illness makes me question it myself ‘am I really poorly?’ ‘am I just lazy?’ ‘do I just moan a lot?’ ‘am I just over anxious?’ ‘is this just my personality to accept?’  The answer is no!

The fact that I have a diagnosis, that I have proof that I am in fact ill, that I need medication and therapy are enough proof that this is ‘real’. If the stigma around mental illness still makes me question it after all this time battling it, no wonder people are too afraid to speak out or get help. If the stigma was removed may be people wouldn’t be as scared or battle it alone anymore and be able to survive? Perhaps there would even be less suicides? It needs to end, the stigma needs to be lifted!

Worth Living Founder – Keith Anderson

Music has played a few roles in my depression and recovery.  I have been at amazing concerts but in the midst of the darkness.  I have been alone in a crowd of 80,000 people but not felt lonely. Music brings forth a community.

As I started to think about what to write this week, I kept remembering the BringChange2Mind Music Nights I hosted online for a couple of years. I posted music clips on facebook hoping the music would help people who may have been alone and struggling with mental health challenges. Those Saturday nights fostered friendships, with lots of memories and stories shared. Music was the catalyst.

I thought this week that I would share some of My Mental Health Playlist. It`s not a Best of List or a Top 10 List.  It is simply a list of songs that had an impact and continue to be part of my memories.  Most clips are from live performances which I prefer. Videos produced and songs produced in studio may be more pristine with perfect song quality. To hear and see an artist in concert is real. It may contain mistakes, but it’s authentic.

Whenever I consider songs that were part of my journey, I always start with Joe Cocker’s version of  With A Little Help from My Friends. It was the impetus for BC2M Music Night. Though a Beatles song originally, it became a Joe Cocker classic after he performed it at Woodstock.  His debut album in 1969 took it as its title. The lyrics are quite apt for those of us who know the darkness and the longing for help from our friends.

Another song somewhat akin is Carole King’s You’ve Got A friend in Me. We associate this song with James Taylor.  He would get the chance to make it his own. This clip begins with the story behind the song, such kindness exhibited between artists. It’s as heartwarming as the song.

Fleetwood Mac’s Don’t  Stop Thinking About Tomorrow is a truly feel good song. It was released on the album Rumours in 1977. I was 16 and played the 8 Track constantly. Who remembers 8 Tracks?  It is still a song that provides good memories.

I was late discovering Nina Simone, but she captures the difficulties of life so well in her songs. The emotions, angst, and joys of life simmer within her music.  Try to catch the documentary on her life, I saw it on Netflix last year.

This song, Ain’t Got No, I Got Life, begins with a tone of sadness.  However, if you listen carefully, you can sense that there is some goodness waiting to be heard.  Then you discover she is proud of herself. Wow! It gives me such hope!

This next song is deeply personal with warm memories but still with a bit of pain.

My first date with Dionne was a weekend trip to Las Vegas. We got tickets to see Cher. I wasn’t a huge fan, but we  thought her show would be entertaining and it certainly was that. Believe was her big hit at the time. My listing this song is to mention a memory of a relationship that started wonderfully but was torn apart by our mutually having depression. Tough to keep it going in the midst of such mental turmoil.

In Bruce Springsteen’s recently published memoirs, Born to Run, he discloses his time with depression.  Such a musical icon, but here he is with challenges to which I relate. Catching him in concert a few years ago was special. The most intense start of any concert I have seen. He didn’t stop nor catch a breath for the first hour. Intense, gripping, I was all in!

I have a wonderful story about a  Van Morrison concert. It’s too long and I can’t write well enough to properly catch the context and humour of it here.  Sorry! It was truly a Worth Living Memory.

In the meantime, let’s get on the same Wavelength.

My first major concert was seeing U2 on the Joshua Tree Tour at Wembley Stadium in 1987. A breathtaking concert.  Though Bono has undertaken some life changing initiatives for millions of people, it’s the music that we will focus on here.  U2 has had some of the most inspiring music in the last 30 years.  A Beautiful Day makes me feel hopeful that every day can be special.

I had heard of Moby, but never knew his music. I have no idea how I found this song but I like this clip. It’s  a fun clip but with a positive message.

It took years in recovery before I listened to jazz. Not yet sure why.

I had the good fortune to see Miles Davis perform twice while I lived in London.  Two friends took me to the first concert. They were completely bored. I was deep into enjoyment. When he returned  six months later, I knew to buy one ticket!  The concert night, I went to dinner then walked to Royal Festival Hall. I was in the fourth row. Just Miles and me!  One of the best evenings of my life.

Miles’ Kind of Blue album is without doubt the most influential and popular jazz album of all time.  This is a clip of So What from Kind of Blue.  Sit back and let the music flow through your mind and heart.

Louis Armstrong – What a Wonderful World –  no words are needed – a song to let you dream.

My Mental Health Playlist.

What music helps you through challenging times? What music do you play when you feel wonderful?

Note : A version of this post appeared on The Good Men Project.

Worth Living Ambassador Hannah Morgan

Hannah-Grace is a 20 year old Applied Psychology student at Acadia University. Having grown up seeing first-hand how rocky the road of dealing with mental illness can be, as well as the unfortunate stigma that comes along with it, she is eager to help make a change. Hannah-Grace aims to inspire others to choose happiness, embrace the differences of others, and laugh often.

Hi everyone! This is my first blog post and I am more than excited to get started. Today, I will be sharing with you some helpful tips you can incorporate into your everyday life to be a better support for someone who is living with a mental illness. As a disclaimer, these are not listed in the order of their importance, but rather just a natural flow of ideas. Let’s get started!

1.Educate Yourself
A very easy and helpful way to show your loved one that you support them is to learn about the specific illness that they are living with. By typing in a few keywords, you can be given an abundance of relevant information regarding any mental illness, such as symptoms, treatments, and what being diagnosed with the illness means for your loved one.

2.Listen
To be clear, this is something that should be practiced more not only by those supporting someone with a mental illness, but by everyone (myself included). It is so easy to get caught up in our own little worlds and forget to ask a simple yet so important question- “how are you?”. Not only can the answer to this question sometimes literally be the difference between life and death, but even just venting can relieve a lot of stress. We’re always told not to keep things bottled up, but in my opinion we aren’t told enough to stop talking and listen.

My challenge to you today is to reach out and ask someone how they are doing.

3.Get Involved
With the increasing popularity of movements such as Bell Let’s Talk and Worth Living, it is now more apparent than ever that there is strength in numbers. By getting involved and starting the conversation, you can show your loved one that their wellbeing matters to you. It is so easy to be afraid of the scrutiny of others, but if we don’t talk about it, we’re only adding to the problem. Help end the stigma. Share. Contribute. Listen. Be Involved.

4.Take Care of Yourself.
This one is something that I’ve recently learned is very important. I found myself exhausted. I was drained emotionally, physically, and mentally. Juggling my role as a Resident Assistant in which I am a support for the residents of my building on campus, to dealing with the demands of my third year classes, all the while trying to deal with family and personal struggles, I was burnt out. I reflected on a training session that Acadia’s Residence Life had put on for us and remembered the analogy presented that I still utilize today. Think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes on over the speaker, and reminds you that in the event of an emergency to put your oxygen mask on before attending to the needs of anyone else. This analogy holds true outside of an aircraft as well. You can’t help others if you do not help yourself first. If you try to be a support for someone while you yourself are not being taken care of, you are virtually no help to the other person. Practice self-care. Do something that makes you happy. Get enough sleep. Binge watch that show. Grab a coffee with friends. Get yourself in a good place and it will benefit more than just you.

5.Let Them Maintain Control.
When a person is feeling like they are constantly relying on someone else, it is easy to become dependent and lose that sense of autonomy that is so important. While you may want to show your loved one you care by handling every aspect of their life, remember that they need to feel a sense of purpose as well.

6.Hold Them Accountable.
This may come across as harsh, but hear me out. Going off of the previous point, we must remember to let our loved ones maintain control of their own lives. What we cannot do, however, is allow for them to engage in unhealthy behaviour. Set limits. Don’t let them get away with doing something that is not acceptable for fear of “setting them off” or losing their trust. By not setting these appropriate limits or holding them accountable for their actions, you are truly only hurting them in the long run. In order for them to maintain that vitally important sense of autonomy, they must be held accountable. Treat them with dignity and respect but do not be a supporter of unhealthy behaviour.

7.Seek Out Resources.
One of the hardest things to do at times can be to ask for help. If you want to ensure that your loved one receives the best care possible, it is important to know what resources are available in your area. For instance, knowing the phone number for a support hotline can be helpful for both you and your loved one. Similarly, knowing the contact information for your loved one’s counsellor/therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist can be beneficial. In extreme cases, it is important to be prepared for the worst. Potentially knowing what medications (if any) your loved one has been prescribed can be helpful, as well as knowing simple things such as the address of your location.

These are not the only ways to be supportive of a loved one living with a mental illness, but they are some tips I try to incorporate into my daily life that I thought would be helpful for all of you.

I hope everyone had a great holiday and I wish you all health and happiness moving forward in the new year.

Worth Living Ambassador Maizie Montgomery

“Hi! My name is Maizie and I am 20 years old and from Liverpool in England. I am currently studying psychology at university and my goal in life is to help people and raise awareness of mental health issues. I have suffered with depression, self- harm and eating disorders for the past 10 years. Now it’s time to get my life back!”

Caution : This post contains comments about thoughts of suicide

On my blog I have previously written about a time when I was younger when I wanted to end my life. So now I want to talk about the most recent time.

I mean suicidal thoughts are still a part of my life and the little shits do just invite themselves in and have a little party in my mind. But the same as all the other thoughts and demons I face, I have learnt to control them (to an extent).
5th September 2014.

This was my suicide date. I had everything planned perfectly. I had just left sixth form, so my death wouldn’t majorly impact anyone as I didn’t see most people every day anyway. I was meant to go to university but decided not to (the less people I knew the better). I did actually have a job interview a few days earlier but knew I’d messed it up and to be honest, I only went to get people off my back. I still had my best friends and my family which did make me feel so bad as I knew I would hurt them, but I couldn’t see another option. My best friend Katie went to Poland a few days before this date and I remember giving her the biggest hug ever and crying when I left her house. As for my other friends, there was one last big night out into town. It was such a good night and I got a photograph with pretty much everyone I knew. In my head I was doing it so they would have fun happy things to look back at and remember me with. After way too much alcohol and lots of singing and dancing, two other friends and I headed home in a taxi.

So the plan for the next day was to get the bus to my old school, pop in, and see and thank a few teachers who were really there for me, then walk to the nearby park where I had a lethal mixture of medication at the ready. I figured this was the nicest way of doing it as none of my family would have to be the ones who would find me.

So back to the night before, as we dropped one of my friends off first, I give her a hug goodbye and she slipped me a letter and time me she loved me. What the hell was going on?

I got home and read the letter. It is something that I have kept to this day and still cry every time I read it. She had found my secret Twitter account and therefore knew about my suicide plan. I couldn’t believe she had found it. I rang her and we both had a little cry and I said I was so sorry that she was now in this position. The next morning I tried to just not think about the letter and stick to my plan. I said goodbye to my dad and little sister who were in the house and I went and got on the bus. I cried from the second I sat down on the bus.

I wanted to stick to my plan but that letter was just going round and round and round in my head. A minute or so later, my phone rang and when I answered it, it was Tesco telling me I had gotten the job I interviewed for a few days earlier. I jumped up and got off the bus in hysterics. Maybe I could give this whole ‘life’ thing one more shot. Between the guilt of leaving my friend in the position she was in, and the prospect of maybe trying to start over; the plan was scrapped.
This was it. This was my last chance to sort myself out. I didn’t have the energy to try any more. This was the final shot. Maybe, just maybe there was some hope left for me.

Two years later, that was the best decision I have ever made. It is fair to say that that letter saved my life. So to one of my best friends still to this day, Thank You.

Please follow my Personal Blog http://Insanity is the New Sanity

NOTE: If you, a family member, friend, or colleague is experiencing  thoughts of suicide or distress, call 911 now.

Other resources :

Canada- Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention http://Suicide Prevention
USA – National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255
United Kingdom   http://NHS

Worth Living Ambassador Niko Colletti

Hey there! I’m Niko, 20 years old, from Southern Ontario.  I’m on a journey to find myself and discover what truly makes me happy, while continuing to learn how to function in this complicated world around me.  I was diagnosed with High-Functioning Autism as well as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) at a very young age, and it’s been a long haul living with a brain wired so differently.  I intend to continue bettering myself while sharing my experiences with those who are feeling overwhelmed in their struggles, showing that with enough determination and patience, you will persevere no matter what demons share your company.

As long as I could remember, fitting in was not an option for me.  I was always the outcast, the “strange” one.  The one who preferred to stay indoors at recess, drew in math class, and did his work on the floor under desks in elementary school.  Quiet and shy yet loud and outgoing all at the same time, and constantly focussed on anything and everything but what was being taught in class.  This is what it is like to live with Autism and ADHD.

I was diagnosed in first grade, when I was just six years old.  When my parents told me, I was too young to fully understand. I knew already that I didn’t fit in, and that the same things that came natural to others; socialization, executive functions like planning and prioritizing did not go well with me.  I didn’t know anything about ADHD and only slightly more than nothing about Autism.  All I knew was that I had no concept of time. I had to take a little yellow pill every morning with breakfast and that I would much rather spend recess on the hallway floor than put my snow pants on.

As I grew older, the more I stood out from other kids.  I kept to myself and only socialized with the same two or three people at any time.  I worked hard to build social skills and was often regarded by my teachers as well-spoken when presenting projects in class.  The problem wasn’t with socializing, however.  The problem was with how kids treat someone who is noticeably different.

Having Autism contributed to my lack of understanding of social cues, despite my efforts to improve social skills.  This got better over time as I aged, but I was always behind.  ADHD meant that I was inattentive, impulsive and had a difficult time getting work done at all, let alone on time.  I was always full of ideas and a creative thinker but working at my full potential was a struggle and I was often singled out in front of others which started to destroy my self-esteem.  This coupled with the frustrations of always falling short of expectations, both socially and educationally, started to get to me. This was only the beginning of where I started to truly struggle.

I was medicated for more of my life than I was not.  The little yellow pill I was prescribed is known as Concerta.  This extended-release variant of Adderall is an amphetamine designed to treat those with ADHD, primarily, young children.  I started with 18mg (“Alza 18”)  and as I grew older, my dosage was upped to 27, then later to 36, until I would decide to stop taking it just before turning twenty.  It was great for curbing impulsive behaviour, and while it helped me many ways at school, I still struggled, and the longer I took it, the worse I felt when it wore off, or I forgot to take it.  I would often feel paranoid, irritable or extremely sad, and started to almost become two different people; one of which was the inadequate version of myself I called “Non-Alza Me”.  I began to feel like the “Alza Me” was how everyone’s brain was supposed to work and that I would only have the chance to be accepted in society if I was Alza Me all the time.  This thought terrified me to no end and I began to hate the fact that I took medication just to be “normal”.

I really started to feel like an alien towards the end of Grade 7.  With the exception of a few teachers, I was singled out and humiliated in front of peers by all others.

I was bullied for all of Grade 8 and by June, I’d finally had enough.  No matter how hard I tried to act and talk like everyone else who was considered to be “normal”, I just couldn’t seem to do it.  I was struggling in school even though I had the potential to do well.  I knew I could do great things in school when by some miracle I could manage my time but I couldn’t. I was so fed up with the world I didn’t feel I belonged in that on the week-long graduation field trip for Grade 8, I tried to take my own life.  As you can tell, I thankfully failed.  I sat on the cabin floor for a moment, and thought about what my mom would say, my dad.  How would they feel after everything they did for me to help me succeed in a world that they brought me into?  Even though I truly believed I didn’t belong there, they hadn’t given up on me and so I would NOT give up on them.

High school was much better than elementary for me.  The newfound freedom allowed me to avoid people who made me feel inadequate and the sense of a fresh start motivated me to work on socializing again.  I hung on grade wise, and once I started driving in Grade 12, I felt like I was on top of the world.  I had been working through high school and I was saving up some money and had high hopes for what was next.

Grade 12 came with some hard-learned lessons.  My lack of boundaries, both with myself and others allowed me to be taken advantage of often.  People started hanging out with me for my car to drive them around and I was often guilted into lending people money they never paid back.  My self- worth took a huge hit when I started to realize that the many friends I thought I had, really weren’t my friends at all, but were all using me for what I had.  Despite this, I put it all behind me in an effort to focus on what was next.

This was the second point in my life when I truly began spiralling downward.  I had no long-term goals, and after working two jobs for a year, I settled for a Design Fundamentals college program, hoping to get into graphic design.  Up until this point, my only efforts to socialize were at work and I had isolated myself into depression.  I was lonely and began to hate myself for the way I lived.  If I wasn’t at work, I was getting high.  I was starting to question the point of even trying and was beginning to give up again.  The only way I knew to cope was to just work more and try to numb myself as  best I could until I became occupied by school.

I hit what I thought was rock bottom shortly after starting school.  I got into an accident, completely totalling my car and after outstanding citations, I could no longer afford to insure a vehicle, so I stopped driving and quit working to focus on school.  I began to lose my mind because school was now my life as I could no longer go anywhere on my own.  Once again, I had further isolated myself and fell further into depression.

Shortly before I quit working, I had entered a relationship.  It coloured my world.  Finally, in a world where no one took the time to appreciate and understand me, someone wanted me, even with all of my flaws and mistakes!  Because I was depressed and lonely, I didn’t know I was not in the right frame of mind to be with a person.  I was hurting, and I latched myself to the first person to show me interest because I didn’t want to be on my own.  Not even a year later, the relationship had become toxic and hurtful.  There were many signs from the beginning that should have been enough for me to know that we weren’t right for each other, but I didn’t want to be without her.  I was afraid of losing her because I had never loved someone this way before, and despite how bad things were, I felt that being alone again was still far worse.  I was in a terrible place that I hadn’t really gotten out of when the relationship began. Because of this, that was exactly where I picked up from when we both decided to go our separate ways.

In September of 2016, I entered self-destruct mode.  I had stopped eating, looking out for my own physical health or well-being by any means. I was back at school but I often skipped class.  Even preoccupied with a new job, I was struggling to keep my head together. Every night I was a victim of my own thoughts and feelings, debating on ending it right there and then. I despised the person I had let myself become. I didn’t want to live the way I did when I used to be single.  I had nothing to revert back to because of this, so I felt as if rebuilding was impossible and living felt pointless.
I have never sunken lower than I had three months ago, and November was finally when I decided that I couldn’t climb out by myself.  I wasn’t strong enough this time and if I hadn’t reached out to family and friends when I did, I am absolutely certain that I would not be here writing this right now. I was a shell of a person, with all the anger I had for the world and hatred I had for myself.  My immediate family has been very supportive, along with my therapist and a childhood friend who has been by my side nearly as long as my parents have.  I can’t thank them enough.

I have recently learned what I wish someone had told me a long time ago.  I am different, not less.  I have neglected my mental health for too much of my life because rather than learning how my brain works and how to get the most out of it, I hated it for not being able to adhere the same learning strategies that worked for neuro-typical people.  Having Autism is a great thing!! There is so much I owe it for who I am as a person.  Same goes for my ADHD brain; its capable of so much that it wouldn’t be if I WAS neuro-typical.  And after learning how many of my struggles stemmed from my ADHD, I can tackle them better knowing that there are resources out there to help people just like me succeed.

About half a month ago, I reached out to Keith Anderson, founder of Worth Living, and I fell in love with what this community all about.  Mental health is such an overlooked contribution to our well- being, and if I can help even a little bit by sharing what I know about myself, Autism, ADHD, Anxiety and Depression, than I’ve won.

No one deserves to feel how I have in the past. If you are feeling like you’re not good enough for this world, please know that everyone has a place in life, and while it may be hard to find at first, know that you are never alone. As long as you remain true to and care for yourself, you can do amazing things that will redefine what the world considers “normal.”

“Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.” -Karim Seddiki

Worth Living Ambassador Rachel Burridge

Hello, I’m Rachel from the United Kingdom and I am 22 years of age. I have been on a journey with mental health for seven years now and facing the stigmas and hush hush around it. I am to recover from my illness while helping others to recover as we all go on the journey together.

I’ve always been such an independent don’t want to burden anyone kind of person, always the one to try and pick others up when they are down but never want to have any attention on me kind of person. Always been strong for everyone else, smile to faces and cry behind closed doors.

But mental illness has taught me one thing so far  is that  you can’t hide it and pretend everything is ok. Faking it until you make it as some say is not practical and is damaging even more so to your mental health. I told myself many times it’s just hormones, it’s just growing up, it’s just nerves, it’s just a chest infection causing me to be breathless, it will pass, I’m just having a bad day. Making excuses has only caused me more harm than good.

A year ago I sought help once from a therapist but I never fully hit the nail on the head. I never fully opened up about some of the symptoms I was experiencing because once again I didn’t think they were too bad, I only scraped the surface of what was really happening.

This past October, I decided after another year of trying to get by, not living only existing, and feeling very little pleasure in my life within myself wasn’t going to work. I needed to speak to my GP.

I made an appointment with my doctor as I couldn’t carry on this way anymore. I wanted to live life to the fullest, in the way I saw the life I wanted in my head and the person I saw myself as in my head.

I luckily got an appointment the same day only a few hours wait. This was honestly the most terrifying few hours ever. I was so anxious I even thought about cancelling it, saying it wasn’t worth it, that the panic was giving me a sign not to go but I knew I couldn’t go back to how I was living anymore. When I saw my GP he suggested anti- depressants which I had always been so against. I had heard so many stories about them turning you into a zombie. I didn’t want that even though the thought of numbness did sound appealing. He assured me he would trial me on them and see me again in two weeks while also referring me to a PWP/Therapist. I booked an appointment and collected my medication on the way out.

I waited just over a month to see my therapist.

This was an experience that shot my anxiety through the roof, talking to someone truthfully about how I felt and realising it was real. I wasn’t better and still needed much more help. But getting it off my chest and taking that step was also a great relief for me. I felt like I had already made progress. It was only a small step to a long road of recovery but it was a step forward and not back anymore

Don’t ever be scared to speak to your GP as I was at first. They don’t look at you like you’re crazy no matter what you say to them or how upset you get. They have heard it all before and are trained to deal with whatever comes their way and you are their priority. It’s their job to look after you.

So if you are reading this and know you need to speak to someone, let this inspire you to do so because it will be the best thing you will do. Sooner rather than later is key!

Worth Living Ambassador Kay Ska

Kay Ska, 21, UK
There is so much of stigma attached to mental health that I tried to ignore my own mental health problems for as long as I possibly could. And let’s just say that wasn’t the best thing I did. Now, I’m extremely passionate about spreading the mental health awareness and getting rid of all the stigma attached to it! As well as helping people in any way I possibly can, by sharing my story and things that have/are still helping me on my recovery journey.

Ho, ho, ho! It’s Christmas time, a time to be ‘jolly’. But what if you’re not?

Do you beat yourself up for it? I know I used to! Especially when other people ask you why you’re not all merry and when they expect you to be. But guess what, mental illness doesn’t take a break for Christmas holidays or any holidays for that matter. If you or others around you expect you to be more jolly, unfortunately, that can have the opposite effect on your mental health.

I wrote myself a little survival guide for this time, things that I need to remember to do, to keep myself sane through this period. It’s personal to me, however, it may help you or give you some ideas what you could do to make this time a little bit easier. Get up early (ideally about an hour before sunrise). This is something I’ve been trying really hard to do! As the days are still so short, I do try to get the most I can from the daylight. And as it gets dark so early I don’t feel like I am as productive as I was in summer, that’s why I try to get all the important things done in the morning/ afternoon. Though, believe me, I know how hard it is to actually get myself out of the bed in the dark, cold mornings, BUT it’s SO WORTH it (I tell myself)!

• Eat healthier, in the past months I’ve got myself a little bit in a bad cycle of not bothering with ‘proper’ good food, being too lazy to cook, getting more takeaways, then feeling more sluggish and tired because I’ve not eaten well. There is a lot of studies out there now that show the brain-gut connection. So, no wonder when you eat something ‘bad’ it can leave you feeling sluggish for hours or even days after you’ve eaten it! Also, our immune system needs so much more nutrients in the cold weather. It’s so important to listen to your body and notice how you feel after eating and eat more of what makes you feel good and fuels your mind & body!

• Breathing exercises, meditation. One of the most important things I’ve learned this year is how extremely important good breathing is! For someone who used to have extremely intense panic attacks AT LEAST once a day, to barely having any (at least when I don’t challenge myself too much, I used to get them every day even if I was just at home not doing much though) now I am able to get grounded so much quicker and even prevent one from happening. A lot of that is thanks to my breathing/meditation practice. It definitely takes time and regular practice, I’m not always great at it, my mind still wanders off, but that’s okay. Every day is different, and each time you do breathing/meditation your experience will be different. I will leave you with some great resources now: Kelly, she’s my wonderful friend and a yoga teacher, has taught me SO MUCH. She’s been my guide, my angel and she continues to inspire me every single day. You can find her on YouTube channel where she has simple breathing exercise and gentle yoga videos & she also does Facebook Live and will be doing breathing exercises leading up to Christmas and on Christmas day! Definitely, go and check her out. I also recommend the app Calm to everyone too, which is great for mindfulness and guided meditation.

• Move your body. For me, that’s doing yoga daily and when I want to challenge my body more I put Yoga with Adriene on. She’s actually great for anyone, whether you’ve never done yoga before or you’ve been doing yoga for years, she has videos for you! Sometimes I do have days, weeks where I prefer a softer, more gentle practise. But I still need to let my energy out somehow, so I usually dance or do some HIIT workouts. Moving my body really helps so tired and start feeling more alive in the evening, which can be good sometimes, but I’ve had so many late nights because I get myself so pumped up after replying to one email, then another, then working on something else and so on. The plan for this is not to do anything too ‘important’ after 6 pm. And then switch offline about 8 pm (or mostly offline). This is especially important for me to get the early mornings. The more chilled, earlier night I can get, the more chance for me to actually get up early and not be too tired the next day.

• Being offline, I had to mention this one of course! On my twitter, I’ve said countless times how switching off really helps me. I’ve tried doing offline weekends which were great but usually would mean that I’d overdo on the internet on the weekdays and I’d really look forward to the offline weekends. However, that hasn’t necessary made things better. It’s that concept of balance which still proves to be challenging. But that also made me realise that I actually do need to take more, proper time offline. Online world really is amazing, most people are wonderful, and there are countless opportunities, but as the blog and all my social media have been growing so has the amount of emails I get, the amount of people I try to help, and of course the amount of mean things and not so nice people. All those things together can make me forgot that I am also still in recovery myself. This year has been extremely challenging, and I’ve grown so much during all those challenges, but I still need time to heal. Believe me, I would much rather look after and take care of everyone else. But I have some wonderful people around me who remind me that I too need to take care of myself (Ahhh, every time I write something like this it makes me cringe, taking care of yourself can be really damn hard!).

AND LASTLY

• Be kind to yourself, listen to yourself to your body, find what works for you, allow yourself to feel whatever you feel. It’s okay not to be okay. If you don’t feel all happy and excited for Christmas or New Years, that’s absolutely okay, because whatever you’re feeling, it’s valid! Allow yourself to feel it. But, also don’t forget to look after yourself and have fun!

I feel like each year, the Christmassy feeling is more and more non-existent for me and it used to really bother me because I thought I HAD to feel like that. But I don’t. I really, really don’t feel Christmassy
and that’s OKAY. Thinking of it as just another day, apart from spending more time gathered around food and giving/opening presents, pretty normal day really, eh?

I hope this was even a little bit helpful for you, let me know what helps you to get through Christmas time!

I wish you all a magical Christmas!

Lots of love,
Kay.❤

Please follow my personal blog This is What a Person with Mental Illness Looks Like

Worth Living Ambassador Beca Wilson

Hi, I know it’s been a while. I have missed you all deeply.  With this post I go a little deeper. I dig a little further and I share the story of my suicide attempt. I haven’t told many people the “full truth”, other than my Mental Health Counsellor and my Psychiatrist. However, I figured if I want to spark a conversation and make a difference, I may as well start with my own story. With that being said, I hope you can take a little piece of something from this, if not for yourself, maybe for someone you love.  

Caution: Beca discusses her thoughts and actions taken on the topic of suicide.

Dear Future Beca,
You need, NEED, to remember to be gentle with yourself. You are human and it is okay to admit that sometimes things are just too much; too overwhelming. You are allowed to reach out and ask for help. Plus, so many people are inspired by your story. They are inspired by your truth. So, you go girl! You speak that truth. There is no shame. Attempting suicide does not make you weak. It does not make you a bad person. The fact that you are still here is a true blessing. You keep doing you!
All of my love, Present Beca

The day that I tried to end my life is one of the worst days of my life, actually probably the worst for sure. I was at a very low point in my life. I was in a bad place. It was a mixture of feeling overwhelmed in my personal life as well as in my intimate life. I don’t want to go into details but my boyfriend and I were fighting about some relationships he had in his life, that didn’t seem to include me. Needless to say, it didn’t help at all with my state of mind.

After about half an hour of my crying profusely and his trying to understand what was going on; I decided I wanted, no needed, to go for a walk. I begin to walk. I should mention, our house is about 4 blocks from our river bank. It is really beautiful at the end of June. I decided to call one of my best friends and just chat. I tell her that Kode and I had a fight. I tell her about what. I tell her that I am feeling betrayed. I tell her that I am just so confused and I don’t know what to do. We talk for about half an hour. She says she needs to go and I say goodbye.

I kept walking for about 15 minutes and I reach this bench facing the river. It was a bench, coincidently, that was in memory of a young woman whose life was taken by a drunk driver a few years ago. I sat there for a few minutes. I don’t know where the first thought came from but I began to contemplate my life. I began to think that everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, would be so much better off without me. I decided that Kode would be better off without me and he could move to British Columbia like he wanted. I figured my friends would be better off because I am a loon! I decided my family wouldn’t miss me because there are soooooo many of us. What is one less?

So, imagine this: I am sitting on this bench. I am facing the beautiful, rushing, river. I am crying my eyes out and people are staring at me as they walk past me. I felt like the worst human being in the world. I felt like a piece of shit. I hated myself in those moments. I hated my life. I hated who I was. I hated EVERYTHING! That is when this tiny spark ignites in my mind – Jump.

This is where it gets ugly. I am having an inner battle with myself about ending my life. I was fighting with the thought of ending my life and with the thoughts knowing that it was not at all what I want. The crying became a little louder, more like sobbing. I grasped the bench for dear life because I knew that if I let go, I would walk to the edge of the river bank and I would jump.
I sat like this for a while, I always say 30 minutes, but in reality it could have been 2 minutes for all I know. Those moments seemed to pass like grains of sand in an hourglass. One at a time and very slowly. Finally, I thought I would be okay to get off the bench. I jumped up, turned around, and bee lined for the road. I turned my back on that river and I didn’t look back.

As I started my journey home, I got to a cross walk by the school just down the back alley from my house. I can almost see my house. I push the crosswalk button to get a walking man when I notice a car approaching on my left. It is travelling at a great amount of speed. I decide that if I take a single step forward, I would be in front of the car and at the rate it was going I would die. I wouldn’t walk away from this.

I took that step forward. I took that step that I hoped would end my life. But, I was too late. As that car sped past, I noticed a little girl sitting in the passenger seat with a giant smile on her face. I like to imagine her singing along to the radio. Or maybe she was telling the driver a silly little girl joke, regardless she was happy. I saw an innocent little one whose life would be ruined if I had been just two seconds faster. I saw a little girl who would have faced ghosts and demons for probably the rest of her life. She would probably have nightmares for years. She would have to see a counsellor. She would never be the same. She would have the life from which I was so desperately trying to get away.
At that point, I was at my lowest point. I didn’t know I could get any lower. Yet, I went and proved myself wrong. I make it home. I walk into the house and my babies greet me with love and kisses. Kode is on his phone. He looks up at me and I say to him, very casually, very nonchalantly and matter of fact, “I tried to kill myself”.

I don’t think I will ever forget the look on his face. I will never forget the sound of his sobbing and apologizing. I will never forget watching the man who has always held me up, crumble to the floor crying. I don’t remember if I slept that night. If I did, I didn’t dream at all. I don’t know how I went about getting ready for the day and thinking going to work the day after I tried to kill myself was a good idea.

I remember opening my desk drawer that morning and seeing my Ibuprofen box, I did the math in my head of how many grams it would be. I figured out the likelihood of me actually overdosing and dying. I looked at my scissors in my rotating desk organizer and wondered what I could do with those. I went into my boss’ office just before noon that day and I told her my truth. I told her I wanted to die and that I didn’t feel safe with myself. I didn’t trust myself to get through the day safely. When I was done spilling my beans to her, she called my doctor’s office. She told the office that I needed to be seen NOW and “no “ was not an option.

That afternoon I did see a doctor, not my own, but one that was there. They talked with me for a bit. They asked me how I was feeling now. Did I want to kill myself now. I remember being mad because I thought, OF COURSE I WANT TO KILL MYSELF THAT IS WHY I AM HERE. Of course, looking back I know that it is their job to ask me those questions.

Regardless she instantly referred me to a psychiatrist, for whom I am now very thankful. I had to call Kode to come and get me from the doctor’s office because they couldn’t let me be alone since I was now on “suicide watch”. I remember the car ride up to my psychiatrist’s office. I remember telling Kode I was so sorry that he had to miss work for this. That I was so embarrassed by this. That I can’t believe it has come to this. THIS being suicide, of course. THIS being the giant elephant in the room that makes most people uncomfortable. THIS being what my life had become.

We sat in the waiting room for over two hours before I was seen. I witnessed many people come in and out of the office. I looked at some and thought, “It could be worse”, and I looked at others and wondered what their invisible war was. I admit now that that is not how it should be. That is not the frame of mind that was needed in that situation. It is never smart to compare one’s journey with someone else’s. The point is that we are each here. We are walking and living our truths and we should be proud of ourselves. We should be encouraging each other to keep going.

That day, now 6 months ago, seems like a whole lifetime ago. I am a completely different person. I have since been re-diagnosed and re-diagnosed again. I am getting the help I need. I am on 4 different medications that sometimes seem they should be cancelling each other out. I will tell you one thing though, do they ever help. They have given me my life back. A life I didn’t even know I was missing out on.

So, to anyone out there who is new to this Mental Health community, you are not alone. To anyone who is a veteran but still struggles at times, stay strong. You are an inspiration to many people. To anyone who is sometimes still trying to find their way and themselves, keep on going. The journey may seem far but the adventures along the way make it so worth it (even the not so good ones). You are enough and you belong on this Earth telling your story.

NOTE: If you , a family member, friend, or colleague is experiencing  thoughts of suicide or distress, call 911 now.
Other resources :
Canada- Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention  Suicide Prevention
USA – National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255
United Kingdom   NHS